DECODING HUMAN BEHAVIORS

EO

How to Read People & Intentions During Conversation — Expanded

Practical cues and longer examples: relationships, workplace, and online scams — with scripts, verification steps and safe boundaries.

Edwin Ogie Library

Important: These tips are meant to help you protect your time, feelings and resources. They are not a substitute for legal advice or professional counselling where safety or crime is involved.

▾Foundations — how to think about intention-reading

Reading intent is an exercise in pattern recognition + verification. People can be mistaken, nervous, or inconsistent for many benign reasons—culture, stress, memory. So adopt a cautious, humane approach:

1. Observe patterns over time rather than single moments.
2. Cross-check facts before drawing firm conclusions.
3. Protect first — your data, money, reputation and emotional boundaries.
4. Respond with curiosity and clarity — ask for specifics rather than accuse.

The goal: make safer choices (delay, verify, set boundaries), not to "expose" people publicly. Be fair, proportionate and private when possible.

▸Behavioural clusters — deeper discussion

Here are the same clusters from the short post, but with more context and what to look for over time.

1. Words vs Actions

Promises without delivery or repeating apologies without change. Track: ask for a small commitment (e.g., "send that file by Friday"). If unmet, follow up once. If unmet again, treat as pattern.

Example: someone promises to introduce you to a contact and never does; after reminders they deflect or change the reason. Verification: ask the contact directly or watch whether future small promises are kept.

2. Story shifting / vagueness

Small inconsistencies are normal. Large or purposeful shifts that appear when details would be checked are a red flag. Track: ask the same neutral question with different phrasing later — does the answer align?

Example: A job applicant claims a job start date that changes across emails; or a date/time of an event changes once you invite others. Verification: request documentation or linked profiles (company site, LinkedIn).

3. Fast Intimacy & Boundary Testing

Quick confessions of love/loyalty, or early requests for personal details/support, can be a tactic to short-circuit normal relationship pacing. Track: maintain your own pacing; ask for time and small tests of reliability.

Example: a new partner quickly requests money or secrecy; or a new colleague asks for favours that feel disproportionate. Verification: limit financial or personal commitments until trust is demonstrated.

4. Pressure & Urgency

Pressure reduces deliberation. Manipulators often manufacture "now or never" scenarios. Track: notice language — is urgency repeated and unexplained?

Example: a "vendor" offers a one-time discount but refuses to send paper documentation unless you wire money immediately. Verification: demand official invoice, receipts, or time to consult a colleague.

When multiple clusters appear together, escalate your caution and rely on verification rather than impressions alone.

▸Examples — Romantic & family relationships

In close relationships, intent-reading is sensitive because people’s feelings and reputations are involved. Below are cautionary scenarios and humane steps to verify and respond.

Scenario A — Repeated broken promises

Behavior: Your partner frequently promises to help with bills or childcare, then avoids responsibility or gives excuses.

Why it matters: This can indicate poor follow-through, avoidance of responsibility, or a different set of priorities.

What to do: set a specific, measurable request (date/time, amount). Use written agreements for money. If the pattern persists, seek couples counselling or set stronger boundaries (e.g., separate accounts, shared calendar).

Script: “I need a clear plan for X — can we agree on what you will do and when? If that doesn’t work, I’ll arrange a backup.”

Scenario B — Emotional manipulation (guilt or gaslighting)

Behavior: You are told your memory of events is wrong, or you are blamed for the partner’s choices to avoid accountability.

Why it matters: Gaslighting erodes confidence and can be part of abusive dynamics.

What to do: keep records (dates, messages), seek a trusted friend or counsellor’s perspective, and create safety plans if emotional abuse escalates. Consider professional help / therapy to assess and respond.

Script: “I remember X happened. Let’s look at the messages or calendar together.”

If safety (physical or severe emotional harm) is a concern, prioritise urgent help: trusted family, local services or legal advice. Protect children and vulnerable family members first.

▸Examples — Workplace situations

Work contexts mix power, incentives and politics. Use extra care: document interactions, use HR channels, and rely on policies and witnesses.

Scenario A — Credit-stealing and selective memory

Behavior: A colleague takes credit in meetings for work you led, or repeats your idea as their own.

Why it matters: reputational harm and career impact.

What to do: document your contributions (email summaries, shared docs), speak up calmly in meetings: “To clarify, our team’s plan (X) came from the approach I circulated on DATE.” If repeated, escalate to manager/HR with evidence.

Script: “I appreciate your thoughts. For the record, my memo on DATE includes the steps we’re discussing.”

Scenario B — Manipulative managers or favoritism

Behavior: a manager pressures you into non-work commitments, asks you to hide mistakes, or gives inconsistent instructions to influence outcomes.

Why it matters: ethical risk and career vulnerability.

What to do: request instructions in writing; confirm expectations by email (“To confirm, you’d like X by DATE?”). Use HR or a trusted mentor to discuss patterns confidentially.

Script: “I’m happy to help. Can you confirm this request in writing so I can prioritise it correctly?”

In workplace disputes, neutral witnesses and a paper trail matter more than impressions. Don’t rely on gossip — get documented facts.

▸Examples — Online scams & impersonation

Online interactions create plausible deniability for scammers. Below are common patterns and quick verification tactics.

Scenario A — Romance / relationship scam

Behavior: a new online match quickly professes strong feelings, asks for secrecy, then requests money for an emergency or travel.

Why it matters: scammers exploit emotional trust to extract funds or information.

What to do: refuse money requests; verify identity (video calls, reverse image search of profile photos, ask for verifiable details like social profiles with long histories). If money has been sent, contact your bank and local authorities immediately.

Script: “I’d prefer we video call and meet in a public place when possible. I don’t send money to people I haven’t met.”

Scenario B — Job offer / fee-for-hire scam

Behavior: unsolicited job offer that asks for upfront fees, equipment purchases, or personal documents before any formal contract.

Why it matters: legitimate employers never ask for payment to hire you.

What to do: verify company website, call official HR lines, check vacancy on official channels (company site, LinkedIn). Never share bank account details or national ID numbers until you’ve verified the employer.

Script: “Please send the job offer on official letterhead and a contact number I can call to confirm.”

Scenario C — Phishing & credential grabs

Behavior: emails or messages urging immediate action (e.g., “Your account will be closed — click here!”) often with typos or unfamiliar sender addresses.

Why it matters: links may lead to fake pages that steal passwords.

What to do: inspect email sender carefully, hover links to check real URL, do not enter credentials via email links — go to the official site manually. Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) where possible.

Tip: If unsure, forward the message to your provider’s official security contact (many have “abuse@” or “phish@” addresses).

If you suspect fraud, preserve records, block the sender, and report the incident to platform support and local authorities.

▸Verification checklist (use before acting)

1. Ask for a simple, verifiable artifact (email, invoice, link) and see if they deliver.
2. Check public traces (LinkedIn, company site, public records) — short online checks often reveal inconsistencies.
3. Test small commitments before larger ones (trial tasks, micro-payments, short calls).
4. Use neutral third parties or a witness for high-risk decisions (HR, mutual friend, legal advisor).
5. Keep written records: messages, dates, receipts and short notes of conversations.

These steps reduce risk without turning every interaction into suspicion.

▸Response language — calm, firm, practical scripts

Use neutral language, insist on facts, and protect your options. Here are scripts for common situations:

Requesting verification: “Thanks — can you send that in writing or share the link so I can check?”

When pressured: “I can’t decide right now. I’ll need X hours/days to check.”

Setting a boundary: “I don’t share personal/financial details. If this is essential, let’s do it through a formal channel.”

Escalating at work: “I’ve documented this request and will forward it to HR for clarity.”

Declining politely: “I appreciate your offer, but I’m not comfortable proceeding without verification. Let’s pause.”

Scripts keep interactions non-confrontational while protecting you. Avoid public shaming — handle disputes privately or through official channels.

▸When to involve others — HR, police, legal, counsel

Escalate when you face criminal behaviour (fraud, threats), ongoing harassment, or complex legal/financial exposure. Useful contacts:

• Workplace: HR, union rep, or legal counsel for employment law issues.
• Online fraud: platform abuse/reporting tools, your bank and local cybercrime unit.
• Emotional/abusive relationships: trusted mental health professional, local support organisations and, if danger exists, police or shelters.

If safety is the immediate concern, prioritise secure exit and support before documentation. Then preserve evidence for authorities.

▸Final reflections — balance, curiosity & boundaries

Reading intentions is partly about protecting yourself and partly about maintaining compassionate curiosity. Assume goodwill as a starting point — then verify actions over words. Use facts, not feelings alone, to make decisions. Set boundaries early, ask for small verifiable commitments, and don’t hesitate to involve neutral third parties when needed.

If you found this useful, consider sharing it with friends and students — simple verification habits protect careers, relationships and money.

communication relationships workplace online-safety

© 2025 Edwin Ogie Library — This post provides general guidance. For legal, employment, or safety-critical situations consult qualified professionals.